For some reason I've always had throughout my current life since childhood the principle that 'the majority are usually wrong as the majority are easily deceived'. Which I guess has made me a rather questioning type of person, especially when it comes to spiritual "fads". During my early adulthood I was very much involved in Pentecostal stuff, and I saw many spiritual issues come and go. There would be one "mega-pastor" who would preach some amazing wisdom/truth/scheme/idea, and he/she would be idolized and adored by the majority of church people, until the next mega pastor jumps into the band wagon and preaches something even more amazingly profound. And such men and women would be quickly idolized and endorsed by so many in the churches, until the next spiritual flavour of the month comes along, in which case they are quickly dumped and forgotten.


I found that in most cases that the reasons for such a high turnover of these spiritual fads (excluding the fact that most of them never worked), was based on consumerism and marketing. Sounds crude, but it all comes down to finding the need and then exploiting it. What makes a spiritual trend popular? If it attracts our ego in regards to influence, power, wealth, sex, fame, popularity, health, success and making us feel good, then people are going to listen. And book publishers and the media know this as well. And they know what will sell and what will not.


I've seen so many times a so called spiritual "truth" cycle through a 5 year cycle. I call it the "blab it and grab it principle". Others may know it as the "say it and receive it law", or "create it and have it". It gets packaged in many ways, and it sells. Why? Because the majority like to get something for nothing. It basically sells because it addresses our ego's greed. And because such books sell, the authors become popular. Some become stars. A few even become mega stars.


Just because a film has been seen by millions, or a book has had millions of copies sold, does not mean that what it teaches is true. Lets face it. What is going to sell more? A book that addresses say Humility, or a book that says "How to heal your aura in 5 easy steps”? Its the ego that makes books and films that talk about issues like prosperity, wisdom, conspiracies, influencing friends, getting what you want, fulfilling your dreams, getting rich now etc being so popular, and therefore by default "endorsed" be the world. Especially those that promise that it is all so easy. Just follow these 5 easy steps they say. (must be easy steps, you cannot write that they could be difficult).


But I'm finding it is the books/authors that don't sell well that have far more to say. The books that say things like "if you do this, it will not be easy", or "Persevere, it will be hard". Books/Authors that address topics like compassion, humility, humbleness, giving, sacrifice, discipline - all things the ego just hates. These are the real issues, but the media and publishers know that such topics don't sell. Yet I find that such books that do courageously address such issues are far more honest. They don't make promises. They do not make guarantees. They do not give solutions, or give all the answers. But they are real. They are just harder to find. And it is these books, I am finding that my ego wants to avoid reading. I am trying now to learn not to run from them….

I've been doing a bit of pondering ....

Why do I read books? Is it because I want to escape from myself? The answer is probably yes. I read so that I can forget about my dullish existance/life.

And is this not the same attitude I have when I watch TV, listen to music,  create a drawing, or even when I day dream while having a coffee?

If you love someone, you always want to be involved with that person. So should the same apply when loving one self?

So am I just running away from life if I do these things?

But I like reading books, and drawing, and having coffee etc. Just sitting alone doing nothing is not that exciting. (I've yet to experinece the bliss and joy etc that loving self is supose to have)

This is a strange path I've put myself on. I'm yet to find the answer.

So much of what I have been taught in this life time has been  "Love others, love humanity, love God, but don't love yourself for if you love yourself you will become an egoist, you will become narcissistic " etc etc

But I think that this is all wrong.

Why is it that I feel more alive if someone loves me, and then feel dreadful when being alone?

Why is it that I spent 10 years of my love trying to love and serve God, but found that I truly had no love for God - that what I was doing was just duty?

Why is it that I yearn to be more compassionate and loving to others, but feel that what I am giving is rather empty?

Why is it I feel better with myself if I'm involved in some group/organisation, and feel very alone and unwanted if I'm not?

It's because I have no love for myself. That's what is wrong I believe.

..if a man cannot love himself he cannot love anybody else either ... He remains a body almost without a soul or with only a potentiality, a possibility, of a soul. The soul remains a seed - and it will remain a seed if you cannot find the right soil of love for it

(from Love, Freedom, Aloneness by 'Osho')

Love yourself and watch  (Gautama the Buddha)

Sounds so easy - but how do you do it? How do you love yourself? Its so easy to condemn yourself - I'm so use to that - but loving one self - now that's hard.

I'm trying to come to terms with this:

"don't be afraid of loving yourself. Love totally, and you will be surprised: The day you get rid of all self-condemnation, self-disrespect ... the day you can think of yourself as worthy and loved by existence - will be a great day of blessing. From that day onward you will start seeing people in their true light, and you will have compassion. And it will not be a cultivated compassion; it will be a natural, spontaneous flow." (Osho)

My daughter, who is now 11 as I write this.

There are 2 things from her that have really stood out for me:

• LOVE.  I'm just overwhelmed by the strong intense love she has for me. It is very humbling to receive this, especially when you know that you have not earned it, or deserve it. She has always had it, and it just gets stronger and stronger. Which makes me know that if a child's love is this intense, then what power and intensity is there when we acknowledge and accept Divine love. Which makes me rather awestruck when I consider this teaching from Mata Amritanandamayi :

  "Even if all the beings in the whole world loved us, we would not experience an iota of the bliss we feel from a moment's taste of the Love of God. So great is the bliss we feel from God's love that there is nothing to compare with it."

• FREE SPIRIT.  Having such a bubbly, outgoing and happy  disposition, my daughter's enthusiam for life  shows me that life itself can be good and fun. It is the free spirit she has which makes me want to have and experience as well.

It was the day President George W Bush began speaking that it was his god given right  to launch a holy  "crusade" against the "axis of evil".  This was the stage that  "broke the camel's back " for me in regards to holding on to my Christian faith. I just saw right then how dangerous it was to have a uncompromising fundamentalist viewpoint of events in this world, and how such religious blindness can cause one to become hardened to the basic fundamentals of the human spirit - forgiveness, compassion, reconciliation. humbleness etc.

Now I do not want to get into any argument about President Bush, but what I want to convey is that I saw that my own Christian viewpoint was similar in some areas - that I was laking love and compassion towards ones enemies.  And I did not want to continue like this.

So from that day I stepped back so to speak from Christainity, and began to look at other religons, beliefs, world views etc, and saw that in all cases everyone just wants to live happily and peacefully with each other. To me it makes little difference who/what you worship, and how you do this - it all gets down to what is in your heart that matters.

I have learned a lot since that day, and so I do need to be thankful for President Bush for what he said, eventhough he will never know that it caused such an unusual reaction to this soul.

For once our Australian Government has done something noble.

I was very impressed how last Wednesday the Australian government finally said Sorry to the stolen generation. What moved me was the reaction from those who had went to hear the apology. You could see the healing occurring as they listened. There was such a positive and receptive spirit amongst the listeners, and you could see the relief and joy on so many faces. There was so much good being done by such a simple but powerful word. It was a beautiful and uplifting  day for many.

I just do not understand why the previous government was so arrogant in not saying "sorry".  It seemed like they believed that saying sorry was a trivial thing, an inconvenience, a botheration that would achieve nothing. They would not humble themselves and admit they were wrong. Such an opportunity  for restoration was given to them, but for all their 10 years in office, they bolted shut the door to any healing and refused to listen to those anguished souls crying out.

I just regret that so many had to wait so long for this day.

Today I've been pondering about  the most basic mantra sound of  "OM" . Some say that it is the sound that created the birth of the universe.

And certainly when one says it, you can feel your lips and body vibrating to this most ancient of sounds. To me, when your in a room with people saying "OM", it sounds like an orchestra getting itself into tune - even though it is in tune.

But I also feel that this universe is based upon rhythm.  Our hearts pump to a rhythm. Our bodies like to dance to a rhythm. In fact I remember someone who once believed she had a vision of heaven, and in it she believed  that she saw heaven as a dance floor, and  what one was expected to do was just dance with God. (Whether this is true or not I have no idea, but it is different). Then there's one religon (forgotten which one) where twirling occurs in the presence of the Divine.

So for now  I'm pondering about how vibrations-OM-rhythm-dance all fit together.

I don't expect to get an answer yet. I'm just noting this down so that I don't forget about it later.